I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in his own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is messed up.
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Soap operas!! Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful arse a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.
No woman could or would ever mess things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.
So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else, Something I could really count on.
And immediately, I thought of the retail store next to my house, Happened like that. Overnight I became a shop-worshipper. Well, not overnight, its not open at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a retail-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the shop, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the shop. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the shop, as it gives me everything I need; water,clothes , food, groceries,movie DVDs, and occasionaly rotten chicken, but hey! At least there are no honour killings, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us. So, you see shop worshipping is fairly simple,There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather and our slippers are at risk of getting stolen. I think everyone should give it a try once.